Choices

Sometimes life hands me a candy-shop full of difficult decisions and I feel once again like the little kid who can only choose one selection and struggles painfully over which will be the wisest and most profitable choice.  And then I'm full of "what-ifs" and ideas of pros and cons and where each road might lead.  No matter if one choice has more pros and another stronger cons I still struggle.  With so much debate I continuously prolong making the final decisions thinking maybe something in my situation will change making it easier to move on with one of the possibilities.  But no, it keeps not happening.  And I'm at the point where I have to decide on things at last or I'll start creating problems not only for myself but for others as well who can't move on until I do.  Well, perhaps I am finally ready.  Uneasy and worried, but I think I at least have a plan as to what would be best to do.  I have done my best to separate myself emotionally and just make logical decisions based off of what would be better for me and others down the road.  Ugh.  It's ever so hard when they could all be great in different ways!  I love having options but I've never had so many that I regretted praying for them!

Love this kind of guy! (and it's a great song)

I'm Just A Country Boy George McCurn 

I ain't gonna marry in the fall 
And I ain't gonna marry in the spring 
For I'm in love with a pretty little girl 
Who wears a diamond ring 


Oh, uh, oh I'm just a country boy 
Money have I none 
But I've got silver in the stars 
And gold in the morning sun 
And gold in the morning sun 

Never gonna kiss those ruby red lips 
Of the prettiest girl in town 
Never gonna ask her if she'd marry me 
'cause I know she'd turn me down 


'cau-au-au-use I'm just a country boy 
Money, money have I none 
But I've got silver in the stars 
And gold in the morning sun 
And gold in the morning sun 


Never could afford a store-bought ring 
With a sparkling diamond stone 
All I could afford was a loving heart 
The only one I own 

'cau-au-au-au-au-ause I'm just a country boy 
Money, money have I none 
But I've got silver, silver in the stars 
And gold in the morning sun And gold 
….all in the morning sun 

Personal Credos

•  I believe in God.  Not only is He an Almighty Being, Creator, and in control of the universe, He is also my Loving Father in Heaven.  When no one else seems to hear my worries and frustrations or when I have no one near to comfort me, He is always always there to bring me peace of mind and keep me strong.  So long as I put Him and His gospel first I can always trust that He will guide me throughout my life.
•  I believe in work and goals.  I can't expect things to happen until I act.  
•  I believe in loyalty.  If I love and trust people, friends, family, country or other, I will be there for them even if it's the middle of the night and inconvenient.
•  I believe in staying healthy to be happier.  Eating right and working out not only help to keep the body running well, it also disciplines the mind.  For me staying healthy and happy also means I need a certain amount of time outdoors with fresh air.
•  I believe variety and change to be good things.  They inspire growth and excitement.
•  I believe in self improvement.  Having an education not only provides a brighter future but it's also very important to learn about things we're interested in even if it can seem unimportant.  I just learned how to make a weird ball from an origami youtube video.  It's taking FOREVER but it's way cool.

Something I Still Regret

When I was a young girl and before I had siblings we lived on an island in Japan and I spent most of my days playing on the hillside catching bugs with my butterfly net or bug bottle.  I would also ride my bike, go rollerblading, pick flowers, wear the hibiscus flowers behind my ear, and touch the little leafy plants that would then close and not open again until the next morning.  

One day I had caught a very pretty monarch butterfly in my net and was struggling to transfer it into my but bottle.  It fluttered out of the net and I scrambled to capture it in my bottle but it then fluttered just a couple feet away.  This happened a couple times and finally in frustration I stood up and stomped my foot.  At the precise moment my foot was coming back down the dumb butterfly fluttered under my foot!  I was injured to the core at having harmed one of the prettiest things I'd ever seen.  I crouched down to inspect the damage done.  Unfortunately the poor little thing was in dire circumstances and wasn't likely to pull through.  I felt unimaginable guilt.  After mourning a few minutes I got up to move on to other adventures.  I quickly noticed that up the hill from me the neighbor kids were watching.  Did they know?  Was my dirty, guilty secret exposed?!  In dread I pretended that nothing had happened, gathered my bug catching supplies and headed the opposite direction.  I worked my way around and came up the hill from the side.  From there I saw the children had gone down to where the corpse of my slain butterfly lay.  They looked up the hill at me throwing accusatory glares and unfriendly vibes.  I thought for sure I'd be an outcast the rest of my days.  For a few days I felt somewhat despised, even ostracized!  Eventually the kids forgot my crime and our friendships were reestablished but even to this day I feel slightly like a murderer.  

Granted it can seem a little amusing now, but mainly I just recall the sinking, sickening dread that I had destroyed my little friend who was completely innocent!  Funny that killing ants, ugly beetles and spiders on a regular basis never bothered me.